I asked Timur a question today, what she sees Kim and I doing in the future. Why I would ask her such a question is simple enough, she's one of the most comtemplative and pensive person I've met. She looked at Kim, and said that she sees her in an early marriage, while Kim responded with a single noun, "Bitch." We laughed, then it was my turn, and nothing. Because she couldn't answer.
Truth is, I didn't know either. I never know. I'm stubborn, fickle-minded, unaware, and childish. Occasionally, I consider several options for my future but in the end, I possess nothing. I possess nothing but fear. Nothing but fear to guide me the way. I pretend to grasp knowledge I cannot begin to apprehend. I pretend to be certain of what lies ahead. But I don't. I foolishly attempted to weave an illusion to deceit myself, and it is unfolding. So rapidly it haunts the edges of my mind, constantly reminding me that in the future, I will have no one but myself to blame.
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